


Variant

by starrylitme



Category: Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Disturbing Themes, Dubious Ethics, Dubious Science, Gen, Identity Issues, Mental Instability, Other, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-14
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-11-17 14:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18100640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starrylitme/pseuds/starrylitme
Summary: Nanami Chiaki has been revived and reborn, but she is not the same Nanami Chiaki as those that came before.That makes her wrong, right?Everyone else seems to think so.





	Variant

**Author's Note:**

> I've been seeing so revived Nanami AUs and they typically go on without a hitch so of course I'm here like "lol what if it didn't" and ended up writing this. Admittedly I've gotten a thing for the "came back wrong" trope and while this isn't the usual body horror fest typical of the trope, it's...an attempt, I guess?
> 
> It's a little loosely based off Umineko's sixth chapter but considering I'm pretty damn sure that Nanami's at least a little inspired by Rei Ayanami, I think this is a pretty natural route to take with her character. As per usual, it's clear no one else was gonna go for it so I have to do everything my damn self.
> 
> There's a lot going on so I probably could continue it if there's enough interest but for now, please enjoy~
> 
> Happy bday Nanami. Pfffffff.

Gently the waves lapped at the shore. A girl named Nanami Chiaki already had her shoes and socks set aside and hiked up her skirt as she waded further into the water. Supposedly, it was cold. Supposedly, particles of salt would cling to her skin and skirt. Distantly, she’s aware that Hinata Hajime is going to scold her for going into the water.

_He’s always going to be annoyed, I think._

With that in mind, Nanami Chiaki dove her arms into the ocean, taking clumps of sand and rock. Squeezing. Searching. She does that for a while, moving around her feet to try and help the search. Sand gets between her toes, and she bumps against either a rock or a shell. There’s a bit of a sting, but it’s easy to ignore. She doesn’t really care.

_But **he** will. And he’ll be even more annoyed. I think._

She keeps looking, lips twisting as she does. And then, finally—

“Nanami-chan. What are you doing?”

She flinches, straightening her posture but still slouching as she turns to stare at Komaeda Nagito standing at the shore, just shy of the rolling waves. Dressed in his green coat as always, hair tied back, Komaeda’s head tilts. Curiously. Questioning.

“I... Um...” Nanami hesitated, turning back to the ripping water. Looking at her soaked hands and picking out salt from her nails. The way Komaeda Nagito would usually do for her. “Mmm...”

“Did you lose something?” Komaeda’s tone was light, though still a little loud so that she could hear them over the waves. She glanced back over, and he, too was removing his shoes. He also lovingly hung up his coat on one of the droopy palm trees. Hiking up his pants, he began to wade into the water. “What was it? What happened?”

“...my game...” Nanami rubs awkwardly at her arm. “I... It’s probably broken.”

“Then Souda-kun can fix it,” Komaeda said cheerily. “But—Saionji-san really needs to apologize to you, so I’ll also talk to Koizumi-san, okay?”

Nanami perked up.

“I could tell from the footprints,” Komaeda added. “It’s a bit nostalgic, but you shouldn’t have to listen to me ramble, aha.”

And then, Komaeda reached down, metal hand whirling as its shoved into the water. He fumbled around, humming before letting out a soft sound.

“There we are,” he says, pulling out a soaked device. Nanami’s eyes went wide as he waved it in front of her. “Come on, Nanami-chan. We should go rinse off. I’ll drop this off with Souda-kun and...” He holds a finger in front of his lips. “I’m not going to tell Hinata-kun. Okay?”

“Is that...okay?” Nanami frowned. “He’s...really perceptive, I think. So he might...be able to tell.”

“He’s used to me keeping secrets,” Komaeda chirped and he offers his hand. “Don’t worry.”

She takes that hand tentatively. Compared to the sturdy metal arm, Komaeda’s actual flesh and bone is really frail. Despite that, Komaeda squeezes her hand as he leads her out of the ocean.

“Your hand is really cold, Nanami-chan,” he remarks.

“Is it?” she asks. “Well—I can’t tell what temperature yours is, I don’t think. Um. But he usually says it’s pretty cold.”

Komaeda scoffs.

“Hinata-kun’s built like a furnace, that’s why.” A pause. “You know, Nanami-chan, you can refer to him normally when around me.”

Nanami puffed her cheeks.

“You say that, but it still makes him mad.”

“He’s being childish,” Komaeda gripes. “Seriously—and he’s supposed to be a symbol of hope. So disappointing.”

Nanami hums noncommittally, and she doesn’t really understand but she does know how Komaeda Nagito feels. He feels strongly. She’s a little envious. Maybe.

“I... Oh.” When the two of them finally breached shore, it was then that Komaeda looked down. He cursed under his breath, but when Nanami looked at him, he hurriedly smiled. Said smile was tense at the edges. “Nanami-chan... You cut your foot.”

She looks down and sure enough, she’s bleeding. Even the sand is dyed. It stings. She supposes.

“Hinata-kun _will_ notice that, unfortunately,” Komaeda sighs. “I’m sorry, Nanami-chan.”

“It’s not Nagito’s fault,” she says, parroting the words that she’s used to Hinata Hajime saying. “Honestly, it’s not a big deal, I don’t think.” She shrugs. “He’s never happy with me, is he?”

Komaeda is quiet, but he pats her head.

“Hinata-kun’s a stubborn jerk. It’s not Nanami-chan’s fault.”

“Nagito,” she says. “You’re the only one who actually likes me, I think.”

“...”

He squeezes her hand.

“Sonia-san likes you,” he replied serenely. “And the others are warming up to you. And if they’re stubborn like Hinata-kun or Saionji-san or anyone else, then that’s on them, not on you.”

_You’re always saying that, but... The others **are** a bit happier when I act correctly. It’s only when they remember that I’m wrong that the mood fizzles. At least, I think so. Still..._

“Nagito’s nice,” she murmurs. “You’re actually...really nice...even though everyone keeps saying you’re difficult.”

Komaeda laughs.

“Come on,” he says, tugging at her hand. “I’ll carry you to the showers. Even if you can’t really feel the pain, I’m sure walking would be uncomfortable, Nanami-chan.”

“Is that really okay, Nagito?” she asked.

“I’m a lot stronger than I look,” Komaeda said, beaming. “I’ve been exercising, too. I’ll only wheeze a little, I promise!”

“Mm...”

_Nagito really is...nice._

* * *

He’s nice and he’s diligent, too, rinsing off her feet thoroughly, drying it with one of the towels and bandaging up her foot. Because of how accidents often happen around him, he carries those kinds of things around. He’s really careful, and could be just a little paranoid sometimes.

He pulls up her sock, slipping her foot into her shoe. He allows himself to be steadied on as she does the same with the other sock and other foot. She stumbles a bit, and he reacts quickly, laughing easily as he does.

“Don’t push yourself, alright?” he tells her. “I’ll get Souda-kun to fix your Gamer Girl in the meantime.”

“It’s okay,” she says. “It’s not that important. Um. I have...other game systems that I can play...”

_Even though Gala Omega is on that one... I’ve been playing more and more of it, but..._

Komaeda is quiet, likely in response to the expression that has twisted her face. She meets his gaze, and pushes up the corners of her mouth so that she can at least smile.

“Even if you’re not in the mood for it, it might be nice to have it as an option, later,” Komaeda says pleasantly.

“I guess...” Nanami shrugged. “Well, even if Souda doesn’t fix it, _he_ would. But I cause him enough trouble.” She wiggles her injured foot. “Would Souda feel troubled, too?”

“Not at all.” Komaeda waves it off with such ease. “He enjoys having projects to work on, regardless of who it’s for. Because. It is his talent.”

“Talent... Okay.” She still doesn’t really understand but with how firm Komaeda is, she doesn’t want to argue anymore. “Thank you, Nagito. And tell Souda that I thank him, too.”

“Of course, Nanami-chan.”

That was that. Komaeda Nagito really was nice. Her smile, however, faded when she thought of the other person closest to her.

_He’s going to be upset with me again._

It’s not something she’s unused to, at this point, but it’s saddening all the same.

* * *

Hinata Hajime is taking a rare break, slumped over a desk with a mug of coffee. Sonia brought him that mug—and it has his name on it. From the stains, Nanami can tell it’s seen its fair share of use today. He seems to be busying himself with an absurd amount of puzzle sheets. Even on break, Hinata busies himself.

She understands why, so she instinctively steps forward to act. She takes a blanket and places it over him. He stirs a little at that, and his smile, then, is soft and genuine. But his eyes are glazed over, unseeing.

She figures she needs to get it over with quickly.

“I went to the beach today,” she says. Hinata’s smile drops into a grimace. “I took off my shoes and socks and ended up stepping on something. It doesn’t hurt, Nagito bandaged it up, so it’s nothing to worry about, but um... I think you’d want to know... Hinata-kun.”

It tastes and feels wrong to call him that, but it’s the correct thing to do.

Even though Hinata doesn’t look terribly happy about it. Of course he wouldn’t.

“Nanami,” he says, sighing. “What were you doing _at_ the beach?”

“Walking.”

His eyes narrow sharply, this time seeing right through her. Her shoulders hunch a little, but her expression remains neutral as it always does.

“Nanami.” His tone is just a little scornful. “I can tell there’s more that happened.”

“Mm...” She shuffles uncomfortably. “Well... I don’t want to tell you, I think...”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t like worrying you,” she mumbled, head lowering. “Because then you’d get more upset...”

“Ah. Did someone else do something?” There was a gleam, then, in that crimson eye. Nanami stiffened, and she could see it bore into her. “Saionji’s been shooting you dirty looks for a while.”

“It’s...” Because she’s not terribly good at lying, she thinks, she just swallows. “It’s no big deal. Nagito’s going to talk to Koizumi. You don’t need to get involved.”

Hinata still stands up.

“It’s not okay, Nanami. If there’s anyone that Saionji should be pissed at...”

Nanami is silent. Quiet. She remembers before.

_“It’s so gross it makes me what to puke. It’s disgusting, absolutely disgusting, what Hinata did. You’re such an eyesore. Do you think all this is funny?”_

_A scowl. A sneer. She keeps her gaze on her game, until it’s snatched from her hands._

_“At least acknowledge that I’m talking to you, you fucking **freak**!”_

“She’s not happy with you either, I think.” She shakes her head. “Actually, she’s not happy with you at all. No one is.”

Hinata cursed under his breath, running his fingers through his hair. He looks so exhausted and the blanket she wrapped around him has already fluttered to the floor. She should pick it up, she should reassure him and smile the way he wants her to. The way _she_ used to, apparently.

But instead, the question bursts out.

“Hey, um, why—did you create me, Hinata-kun?”

Hinata doesn’t answer at first. She keeps on talking.

“Why did you make me like this? I don’t think I understand. I’ve _tried_ , I think, but I just...”

He still doesn’t answer. So.

“Do you resent me for being wrong? What am I still doing wrong? Or is it just my very existence?”

_Because—even though Nagito is so nice to me, I know he doesn’t like that I exist, either._

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I’ll do better. I promise. I just want to make you happy, Fa—”

Hinata’s hand slammed down onto the table at the time she realized her mistake.

“Don’t...call me that.” Hinata’s not even looking at her now, so she shrinks in on himself. “Nanami, how many times have I _told_ you?”

“Many times.” She hangs her head. “Many, many times, I think. Um. I think... I’ll go to my cottage. Later, Hinata-kun.”

“Nanami...” Hinata sighs, looking so troubled. It just makes her sadder, so she doesn’t hesitate when he nods. “Sure, just don’t—push yourself.”

* * *

She’s well-aware of her status and purpose. She’s just not terribly keen on the details. Supposedly, there had been—complications in her birth, as Komaeda had put it with a facetious grin. She doesn’t know the details of that, either, except that the first expression she had seen on Hinata Hajime’s face was that of euphoric relief. He had cradled her and squeezed her, whispering her name over and over again.

The issue, then, was that she came out wrong. That she didn’t immediately step into the identity of Nanami Chiaki, and that she was initially quite confused on who that was supposed to be.

Hinata had been so patient at first. So kind, so gentle, doting on her and diligent on taking care of her. He even brushed her hair and fashioned a cute little pin into it. It was a strange pin, but seeing it on her seemed to make Hinata so happy.

She didn’t really understand a lot of things at first, but she knew that she liked seeing that smile on her creator’s face. So much so that she smiled in return, and that made him happier.

He really was happy—until she let that word slip from her lips.

“Father.”

Just like that, all warmth and light was sucked away, and Hinata looked deeply, deeply disturbed.

“I’m not...your father, Nanami.”

_No?_ She didn’t understand. “But you are my creator, right? So wouldn’t that make you my father? Or, would you prefer I call you _Master_ , instead?”

“No!” Hinata had shouted, then, so loudly it was deafening. “I... I-I’m... Do you really not remember _anything_?”

“What am I supposed to remember?”

She didn’t understand. She had just been born. She had built-in knowledge, however, but no memory of learning these things that she knows. All she remembers is Hinata Hajime, her creator, and how happy he had been until this moment.

_Did I do something wrong?_

“Maybe it’s latent,” Hinata murmurs, more to himself than to her. “But—given the complications, they may not have carried over. Shit... _Fuck_...”

“Fuck?”

“D-Don’t repeat that!” he yelped, so she shut her mouth obediently. Flustered, Hinata rambled on. “Dammit, dammit, dammit...! I really messed up, but...! But...!” He fizzles, just as easily as he got worked up. “But... At least you’re here, now, even if you’re not perfect.”

_Not perfect._

“Um.” She holds up her fist. “I’ll try my best, I think. So please, um... Don’t get so down, um...?” She frowns deeply. “Mm...?”

“Hinata-kun. That’s what you usually called— _should_ call me.” Hinata offers a weak, lop-sided smile. “Your personality is about the same, though. That’s a relief.”

_You don’t look terribly relieved._

“Mm...” She fidgets. “Hinata-kun.”

“Yeah.” His smile widens, but his eyes remain largely unchanged. “Just like that, Nanami.”

_Just like that?_

“Hinata-kun, then.”

_Well, if it makes you happy, then—_

“Hinata-kun...”

* * *

“Hinata-kun is difficult.”

Irritated, she pulled the cheeks of her rabbit plush. For whatever reason, she imagined this making the rabbit cry, so she does stop, patting and petting it as if that’d reassure it.

“Father...is really difficult.” Nanami’s cheeks puffed out further. “I don’t like calling him Hinata-kun.”

_“Father?”_ She remembers the amused smile Komaeda gave, and that it was twisted with something else she didn’t quite understand. _“Well, I suppose it wouldn’t be inaccurate to refer to him as such. But I imagine he isn’t very happy to hear it.”_

_“He really isn’t.”_

_“Mm. That’s a personal problem, Nanami-chan. You’re not doing anything wrong.”_

_“...do you really think so?”_

Nanami held the rabbit close, squeezing it hard.

_The reason why he doesn’t like it when I call him ‘Father’ is because that wasn’t the relationship he had with the Nanami Chiaki before me. But truth be told, I don’t actually know what that relationship is. All I do know is that I make for a poor replacement, I think._

She has an idea of how Nanami Chiaki acts and how she should act in return. But she still fumbles in ways that aggravate those around her.

_I make a poor replacement. For their sakes, I have to do better._

Frowning, Nanami sets the bunny aside and makes her way over to flick on a console. In times like these, games calm her down. They bring her to calmer times, where her creator was just happy to see her.

That game that Saionji threw into the ocean was the first one Hinata Hajime ever gave her.

Her fingers on the controller tighten as she selects start.

* * *

At some point, she falls asleep and only wakes up due to knocking on her door. There’s an ache in her neck and her eyes are dry and crusty. She groans as she pushes herself up, wobbling and yawning as she does.

“Iiiii’ll get it,” she slurs and shambles to the door, somehow managing to not topple over as she opens it. “Yes?”

“Ah...” Koizumi freezes up, smile stiff and fist still in the air, knuckles noticeably tense. She hurriedly brings her hand down and forces that smile wider. “Sorry, Chiaki-chan, did I disturb you?”

Nanami, still picking at her eyes, dutifully shakes her head and tries to straighten her posture. She ends up slouching anyway.

“Koizumi,” she says, swallowing. “Um.” She waves awkwardly. “Good...afternoon?”

“It’s almost evening,” Koizumi says, not unkindly. “But I’m here to bring you this.”

She holds up the handheld and Nanami immediately jerks more to attention. Koizumi is careful as she places it in Nanami’s hands, and she says nothing as Nanami holds it close.

“Hiyoko-chan...is still being really stubborn, so, I’m here to apologize for her.” Koizumi bows. “I’m so, _so_ sorry she did that. It won’t happen again.”

“It’s...okay, I think...” She’s still clutching the device as though it were a lifeline. “Um. Is Saionji...still upset?”

Koizumi hesitates, picking at her cuticles.

“She’ll get over it,” she sighs. “Don’t worry about it, Chiaki-chan. I’ll keep talking to her, alright? Also...” Frown deepening, Koizumi fiddles with her hair. “Souda said, er, don’t hesitate in coming to him for help in the future. He wouldn’t mind building a wholly new gaming system or something... I guess? But he worked pretty diligently on your game so I guess he’s gotten a lot more reliable.”

“I see...” Nanami nods to that. “That’s really nice, I guess.”

_But... I can’t help but wonder..._

“Did he do that for _her_ , too?”

Koizumi flinched. She likely hadn’t expected this turn in the conversation. Koizumi is always so considerate—she’s always the one who stops others from even mentioning the previous Nanami Chiaki in her presence. But under her expectant stare, Koizumi does shrug.

“Yeah, I think so. I do remember him doing that in...the simulation. But that wasn’t real.”

_The simulation—sometimes they talk about the simulation. She was there, too. She wasn’t a perfect recreation either, right? But everyone still regards her so fondly. Actually, I was likely meant to carry on **that** one’s wishes, too._

How frustrating.

“Koizumi,” she says. “Is it alright...if I ask you what _both_ of them were like?”

Koizumi jumps a little, but somehow, upon seeing the look on her face, Koizumi’s soft smile strains.

“Sure thing, Chiaki-chan.”

* * *

She’s not really sure what she’s getting herself into. If anything, this feels like a really bad idea. Maybe. But she’s avoided asking anyone except Hinata for the longest time, and that’s unproductive, isn’t it? Though he created her, Hinata couldn’t possibly know everything about _her_. **_Either_** her.

Koizumi is patient and considerate. She’s easy to talk to, similar to Komaeda. If she asked Komaeda, she might make him upset, and she doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want to upset Koizumi either, at least she thinks so, but—

Koizumi has pictures that she’s carefully stacked, fiddling with them as she does and looking weirdly sheepish.

“I was able to retrieve the photos I took in the simulation, surprisingly. I think this was around when Hinata was really testing what he could do with the NWP’s data...” She trails off, visibly uncomfortable. “I...have the ones I took while in HPA, too. It’s...kinda freaky, huh...”

Nanami sits there, silent and observing. Koizumi lays out the photos, giving her space as she looks through them.

The original Nanami Chiaki and the AI Nanami Chiaki are in different uniforms, but their expressions are largely the same. Nanami touches her own face, and notes that she’s definitely seen these two faces in the mirror. At least, she’s pretty sure.

For whatever reason, she doesn’t have it in her to ask Koizumi if she has a pocket mirror. And she doesn’t exactly want to get up and check in the bathroom right this moment.

But, she’s pretty sure she at least looks the same.

_I just don’t know if I make these same expressions._

Regardless of the variant, Nanami Chiaki is smiling softly in most of them. She has a gentle demeanor, she supposes. Nanami Chiaki looks happy, and everyone else looks happy around her, too. When she sees Hinata, he especially—looks really happy.

Almost as happy as when she saw him for the first time.

“Chiaki-chan, well, _that_ Chiaki-chan,” Koizumi says, plucking up one particular photo taken at what seemed to be New Years. “She could be a bit spacey but she really cared about her class, and she was really accepting of everyone’s quirks.”

Nanami takes notice of the wistful expression on Koizumi’s face.

“She often seemed exhausted, but she was always trying hard to get along with others. She loved games as much as you do, of course.”

“Why?” she asked, on impulse.

Koizumi shrugged.

“Ah, I—she just talked about how fun they were. The first thing that got her eyes lighting up was always video games. I think that’s—what she and Hinata bonded over, too. At least, in HPA, from what I remember. A lot of that stuff is...murky. You’d have better luck asking Hinata, probably.”

“Probably,” she echoed. “Na—Komaeda likes video games, too.”

“Oh, did he?” Koizumi perked up. “Oh... Right... He might’ve mentioned that...”

She had noticed Komaeda Nagito wasn’t in a lot of the HPA pictures. Or the pictures from the simulation. He was barely present at all, but always wore that same, serene smile.

_Nagito has the same expression around me that he had around the two that came before._

“You’re a nice girl, too, Chiaki-chan.” Koizumi speaks up, suddenly. “You just have your own personality and quirks. There’s nothing wrong with being different.”

“So what’s the difference?” she asked.

Koizumi’s mouth opened, but no sound came out. She shuts it, chews her lower lip, and her head ducks, eyes hidden from Nanami’s inquisitive stare.

“...it’s... Well obviously you wouldn’t be the same person...” Koizumi seems to be speaking more to herself. “Chiaki-chan was human... And the AI recreation was based on all our memories... Hinata just...made you on his own... And things went wrong...”

Such as the fact that she lacked any of the memories, Nanami couldn’t help but think.

“I’m sorry, Chiaki-chan.” Even when addressing her directly, Koizumi seemed distant. “I think I should leave. Do you want to keep looking at the pictures?”

“Yes, please,” she answered. “Thank you, Koizumi.”

Koizumi does nod, upturned corners twisting as she stands. She shuts the door behind him. Nanami sits and stares. And then, her gaze flickers down to the pictures.

In each and every one, Nanami Chiaki wears the same hairclip that Hinata had given her. The same one that she always wore—and was in fact wearing right now. In several photos, Nanami Chiaki has the same handheld that Hinata had given her. The same one sitting innocently on her bed. Fixed. Good as new.

The appearances are all the same. Except that they’re smiling.

Nanami Chiaki pushes up at the corners of her mouth so that she’s smiling, too.

* * *

Saionji does apologize to her, but she’s not looking at her the entire time, and before Nanami can even respond, Saionji hurriedly turns away and leaves. Without another word. It’s a half-assed apology, but Nanami supposes she’ll take what she can get.

She’s not terribly interested in talking to anyone that day, so perhaps this is a good thing.

She doesn’t really play games, either, except to check her handheld to see if it worked. Hers.

_It could’ve been someone else’s first,_ she thinks, touching her hairclip. _Or a perfect recreation. Unlike me._

She pushes at the corners of her mouth again, but this time, they remain stiff and unyielding.

* * *

Some time ago, she overheard Komaeda and Hinata arguing.

“—so what are you going to do, then?”

“I... I don’t...”

“She’s practically a blank slate. Are you going to take advantage of that?” That high pitch of Komaeda’s upbeat question immediately drops to a low drone. “ _Pathetic_.”

“S-Shut up! Of all people, I should not be hearing that from _you_!”

“Aha. Haha.”

His laughter is light. So light that it’s barely even perceptible.

“You didn’t answer the question,” Komaeda still speaks lightly. “What are you going to do? You brought her into this world. And she’s not the same. What are you going to do, Hinata Hajime?”

“I... She might... She might remember...”

“And if that’s impossible? Are you going to throw her out like trash and start again?”

“...”

“You went through all the trouble of making her _human_ , too.”

“...I-I know...”

Hinata’s choked response was quiet enough that she had to strain to hear it.

“So.” In contrast, Komaeda’s tone was level. “What are you going to do?”

She thought about peering over the corner to see Hinata’s face. What expression he might be making since he didn’t seem to have anything to say. Instead, she ends up slipping away before she can be noticed.

It’s reasonable, she thinks. She’s curious about Hinata’s expression, but not so curious that she’d risk seeing whatever face he’ll make when he realizes that she’s listening in.

* * *

She still doesn’t want to see that face.

She wants to see him smile. Smile like he does in the photographs.

_But... I don’t know if that’s possible. Because..._

_“You’re not the same as her,”_ Komaeda had said. _“You shouldn’t try to be.”_

She wondered if he said that because she was so bad at it. She doesn’t want to see what expression he’d make if she asked such a thing, either.

_I just want everyone to smile at me. Perhaps that is impertinent. But they smiled at her and **because** of her so easily._

So, what was wrong with her?

...

The answer was obvious.

* * *

“She doesn’t remember anything? So, is she still the same, then?”

“But she has the same face! And the same voice! Everything else is the same!”

**“But she doesn’t remember.”**

“Look at that blank stare—isn’t it disgusting?”

“S-She’s human... She’s human...and her mental states... I-It’s...”

“Well, she _will_ remember, right?”

“I-I don’t know...”

“What do you mean ya don’t **_KNOW_**?!”

“We should still try to treat her the same...”

“But...she is not the same.”

“Let’s treat her fairly anyway... She deserves that much...”

“She’s still human.”

“An abomination.”

“Dammit, Hinata, what the actual _fuck_ were you thinking?”

“I just... I just wanted to see her again...”

“...we all did.”

“But...”

“That’s _not_ Nanami Chiaki. Not the girl who died, not even the AI.”

* * *

_“Nanami-chan, was it?” Komaeda laughs, clapping his hands. “It’s nice to meet you! My, you really are something **else** , aren’t you?”_

* * *

Hinata is sleeping at the desk. Sometimes, that happens. He overworks, overstresses, overthinks, and then, he just passes out. This is when he should be ushered to his cottage for proper rest, she can’t help but think.

It’s bad timing. Horrendously bad.

But if she wakes Hinata up, there’s a _chance_. And so, she shakes his shoulders.

“Hinata-kun, Hinata-kun, Hinata-kun.” No response. She clears her throat and then, “Kamukura Izuru, maybe?”

A crimson eye flutters open. The glow of the iris causes the shadow beneath to look darker and heavier. The hazel eye is kept shut, but Hinata Hajime’s head raises, lips downturned.

“You are troubled.” It’s Hinata Hajime’s voice, but lower and colder. Nanami shives a little. “I can tell what plagues you. How boring.”

Nanami swallowed.

“You’re much more honest than Fa—Hinata-kun.” _Even though you’re cagier, too._ “So the best person to talk to about something like this is you... I think.”

“Boring.” The intonation doesn’t change. Nor does the expression. The gaze. That bores through her as it always does even when Hinata Hajime is in control. “I had predicted this. You truly are a pitiful creation, Nanami Chiaki III.”

“Mm...” Her frown deepens. “You truly are...a jerk, as Nagito says.”

Kamukura pushes himself up from the desk. With a creepily graceful motion, he brushes back his hair.

“You are hesitating, even though you have gotten this far.” That crimson eye is now piercing. “How truly dull. But very well. I suppose I should indulge you for a bit.”

She doesn’t respond to that, merely shuffling her feet awkwardly.

_This is...my best bet._

“You really are desperate,” Kamukura sneers at her. “Pitiful. Pathetic. But very well. That said, I suppose I should give you a moment of pause so that you can reflect and reevaluate.”

He turns on his heel.

“Hinata Hajime does not truly understand his needs nor his desires. He really is such a wretched being. However, Komaeda Nagito is much more certain in his assertions, and he believes with abandon. Also so wretched. As for the others—boring. All of them. Their feeble minds could not hope to comprehend you in the first place. They still have not grasped my own presence.”

Nanami keeps her head ducked.

“...mm...”

“You are different from them, but also from myself. You are an anomaly. A true abomination. For that reason, I suppose there is a spark of intrigue in facilitating the routes you wish to take,” Kamukura goes on drearily. “Thus, if you truly wish to seek my perfect assistance, you may meet me in the labs. I will wait ten minutes. No more, no less.”

Just like that, Kamukura strides away, and when Nanami’s gaze finally rose, he was already gone.

Her shoulders slump.

_I just..._

The atmosphere was still cold, still heavy, still so unpleasant and bitter.

_I want Father to be happy with me. This might...make him a little unhappy..._

She can already see him reddening with anger, shouting at her for her recklessness. Hinata Hajime—didn’t like Kamukura Izuru. Even though they were one and the same body. Others felt the same. Unnerved and unsettled by Kamukura Izuru, who lurked in the shadows.

Who she knows had been utilized to bring her to life. Who she knows could fix her, as he would know what went wrong the first time.

_The only person truly capable of returning that Nanami Chiaki they all lost and desired..._

Nanami’s legs were shaking. She beat them a few times so that she could stumble forward. Once she was able, she broke into a sprint.

_I want to give them what they truly want._

* * *

The labs are dark, and they’ve been collecting dust for a while. As everyone has woken up, there is not much use for the technology there anymore. Hinata sometimes tinkered with the machinery, as did Souda, but everyone else...tended to avoid this place.

Nanami had heard it compared to a tomb before. She never really understood why—she just knew this is the place where they woke. This was where she was born.

It really was gloomy and cold, and it got darker the deeper she delved. Eventually, she stood in the solemn room where she had been created, a little at a time. It had been cleaned up of the fluids, but there was still a rather pungent stench in the air.

Kamukura Izuru perks up, and he is accessing the monitor. The computers whirl to life, and several lines of data scroll past on the screen. Nanami turns her gaze from those codes to the pod that laid in the middle. There were many cables to step over, but when she opened it, the inside was clean save for that same scent.

She’s still trembling a little, but manages to still her hands with a squeeze of her fists.

“...will it work?” she asks, and her voice is soft enough to be swallowed by the cobwebs. “Can I really wake up as her?”

“It will be slightly more complicated,” Kamukura says airily. “I will have to strip you down of what behaviors and personality you have developed up until this point first to avoid psychological turmoil from splitting consciousness. It will be the same procedure from the Kamukura Izuru project, thus I am familiar with its workings, and even its faults which I have remedied. It will work.”

Nanami nods.

“...okay. I guess... That’s that, I think.”

She squeezes her fists again, but discards her hoodie first. She thinks idly that perhaps she should have undressed before she got here. But she likely would not have made it in ten minutes if she stopped by the medical faculty to grab one of the hospital gowns.

It doesn’t matter. She can strip here. And so she does, undoing the buttons of her blouse and letting it slip down her shoulders.

Her heart is pounding. She cannot will it to steady itself.

“You will be mourned, Nanami Chiaki III.”

She pauses. Kamukura’s voice remains cold, but clear.

“Even if her return is assured, there are those who will be dismayed at your sacrifice. Funny, I suppose, how bound to sacrifice Nanami Chiaki is. But, at least this time it is your own will.”

She blinks a couple of times. She steps out of her skirt.

“...I wasn’t supposed to exist like this in the first place,” she found herself saying, wrapping her arms around herself. There’s a cool breeze that stings her skin. Just a little. “Father didn’t want me. He— _Hinata-kun_ wanted her. So, I think...”

Another whirl. She jumped.

“The system is ready,” Kamukura cut in, clipped. “You may now step into the pod. Once it has been closed, the procedure may proceed.”

“Understood.”

She lays down in the pod. It’s even colder there, with chilly metal and stiff cushioning. She shuts it, and hears it latch. She flinches but lies there, listening to whirling, beeping, and then a low, deafening hum. The hairs on her arms and nape are on end, and she hears her heart pounding, blood rushing in her ears. For a moment, her sight blurs and focuses. She tries to breathe and her chest nearly seizes up with the attempt.

“System start.”

Kamukura’s voice was so close that it was as if he were right behind her. She shivers even more, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to think of Hinata Hajime.

_“It’s okay, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay.”_ Hinata squeezing her shoulders. Hinata smiling. Her Father, patting her back, gentle and reassuring. _“Nanami... Nanami...”_

**_“I just wanted to see her again.”_ **

The pod begins to fill with fluid. Cables latch onto her, metal closing around her limps, her head, digging into her skin. She barely feels the prick. She thinks, idly, of how Hinata Hajime had also subjected himself to this willingly.

It doesn’t hurt. But it’s uncomfortable. For Hinata Hajime, it must have hurt.

She can still breathe, but she feels herself fading. Is she getting sleepy? Or is that how it’s supposed to be?

Ba-dump. **Ba-dump.**

_“Nanami-chan, was it?”_ A bright smile. _“Nice to meet you!”_

“System booting,” Kamukura drones, dull as ever. “12%... 15%...”

Nanami tried to focus more on the machine’s drones, its whirls, its hums. Somehow, those sounds weren’t as cold nor as dull. But they still weren’t terribly welcoming. Probably.

Terribly welcoming. Sometimes—the others could be that way.

Souda had been unnerved by her. Tanaka hissed in apprehension. Tsumiki flinched at her presence, and sometimes she would cry.

Sonia would smile, Koizumi would smile, Mioda would smile, but for one reason or another, those smiles inevitably strained if not dropped completely. Just like Hinata once he realized that she wasn’t quite _right_.

She twitched.

_“Just what the hell were you thinking, Hinata?”_ Kuzuryuu had demanded harshly, making him flinch. _“Did you really foresee **this** going well?”_

_“I... I don’t know why it didn’t!”_

She kept her eyes shut. But her body still spasmed. Still twitched, heart still jumping.

_“Nanami...”_ Drawn into his embrace, Hinata Hajime squeezed her so tightly. _“Nanami, Nanami...”_

It was clear that it wasn’t her he was speaking to, that he was seeing, that he wanted to hold. Despite liking him, that situation had been—so—unbearably— _uncomfortable_.

_“O-Oi Nagit...!”_

As if the name had suddenly died in his throat, Hinata Hajime froze when Komaeda’s gaze flickered from her to him. She perked up, blinking as that easy smile shifted into a cold line.

_“Nagito?”_ she asks, and just like that, Komaeda’s smile returns as if it never left.

_“Let’s talk some more later, okay, Nanami-chan? After all, your father is calling you.”_

She doesn’t have to look to know Hinata had recoiled then, too. But that word— _father_ —hung so heavily and certainly in the air that she couldn’t help but _want_ to cling to it.

And wasn’t that another reason Hinata Hajime was unhappy with her?

_That’s right—I **wanted** things to be that way. But he—Hinata-kun didn’t._

_That’s why—he’ll never be happy with someone like me. Someone like me...who isn’t like her in the ways that truly matter..._

Ba-dump.

Ah.

Aha.

Haha.

It hurts.

_Hinata-kun... Father... It hurts..._

_I don’t—_

_I don’t I don’t I don’t I don’t I don’t_

Ba-dump. **Ba-dump.**

_I’m sorry I don’t—_

_I don’t I don’t I don’t I don’t I don’t_

It hurts.

So.

So bad.

Because of the fluid, her screams were muffled. She begins to thrash and this causes blood to be drawn. The fluid causes those wounds to sting, and she tries to scream louder.

She sees Hinata Hajime turning away from her, and she sobs. She sees Komaeda Nagito crumbling, and she cries. Her hands slam against the top of the pod when others follow suit. One after another, she wails and is silenced.

_Stop! Please! I, I, I, I, I—_

**_I don’t want to die!!_ **

_Someone...anyone...please..._

Her breathing hitches sharply as it all goes completely dark.

* * *

Her eyes fly open abruptly. The pod has been opened. Something is draped over her. For a second, she can’t get her body to move, so all she can do is tremble. One. Two. Three.

Nanami jerks upright, seizing the fabric and yanking it close to cover herself. It’s just her hoodie, with the rest of her clothes neatly folded on her lap.

“So that is the state of matters.”

She blinks once, twice, and slowly turns to where Kamukura Izuru, still with the hazel eye tightly shut, is looking over the screen.

“How boring,” he says and tosses her an indifferent glance. “Well. I had expected this. From the breakdown to the damage sustained.”

“Oh...” Now that she can breathe, it feels alien and strange. “I’m still sorry. In the end, I couldn’t... Sorry.”

“So boring.”

With still quivering legs, Nanami scrambles out of the pod. She’s still shaking. She rakes her fingers through her hair, yanking at the strands until something clatters to the floor.

It’s her hairpin, slick with tainted residue. She retrieves it, and squeezes, feeling the edges bite into her palm. It stings not just there—but in several places. Her arms. Her knees. Her scalp. Her eyes.

She wipes at them, but that just makes it worse.

“That will be all,” Kamukura says coolly, shutting off the device. “You may reconsider for now, Nanami Chiaki III, but I have no interest in further musings on the matter. Approach me once more when you are certain.”

Just like that, he strides past and leaves without another word. Leaving her there alone, clinging to her clothes, her hairclip, with a shuddering body threatening to curl in on itself. Shoulders hunching, Nanami breathed once more.

Still strange. Still alien.

Still stinging, especially with how it hitched irregularly.

How irritating.

* * *

She manages to dress, but keeps the hairclip in her hand. When she finally leaves, she stands by the doorway for several seconds longer than necessary before stumbling forward with no particular destination in mind.

Somehow, she finds herself at the beach again. The sun is low in the air, ducked behind the clouds, yet still dyeing the sky with vibrant shades of violet and vermilion. There’s a light breeze. The air is warm, gentle, even, as it ruffles her hair further.

Nanami stares and stares. She remembers earlier, the last time she was on the beach, and then, she wonders what else she remembers.

_Was there anything I forgot? Anything at all?_

Her eyes squeeze shut as she tries to think.

She remembers her creator’s face—and the faces of everyone else. She even remembers the faces they made at the original Nanami Chiaki.

“Ah. Hah.” Nanami sucks in her breath. “I don’t think I’ve forgotten anything. That’s...”

Her grip on the hairclip is tightening, to the point it might just make her bleed again.

“That’s good...isn’t it? It’s good, I think. I remember... I remember...”

Ba-dump.

_Ba-dump._

**_Ba-dump._ **

With a sudden, sharp, violent lurch, Nanami flung the hairclip forward. She doesn’t see it hit the surface of the water, and she doesn’t hear it make a splash, but she knows almost instinctively that it flew far.

Nanami was left there panting, trembling from before, still stinging all over from everything. Inside. Outside. It hurt all over. Her palms dug into her eyes.

“...fuck,” she sobbed as she crumbled to her knees. “ _Fuck_...!”

The waves roll and recede, the ocean unchanging, unmoved by the display. Nanami wipes off her eyes, over and over with her sleeves. And it just gets worse.

_...father..._

She pushes herself back to her feet.

_Father..._

She stumbles forward, into the water.

**_I...!_ **

She tumbles, and this time, it definitely makes a splash she can register.

* * *

Once again, Nanami Chiaki III wakes up after a most disgraceful display. This time however, she is being cradled in someone’s arms.

“Nanami-chan...?! Hey, can you hear me?!”

She blinks once. Twice. Her eyes feel dry and crusted. And they still sting.

“Na...gito...” The syllables tumble out like mush. It hurts. Even craning her head hurts. “Nagito...”

Komaeda lets out a sigh of relief.

“Aha... How lucky... I really was scared that you drowned, Nanami-chan. Let’s get you to Tsumiki-san now. Right away.”

He helps her to her feet. Her legs tremble so he steadies her, but he clearly struggles with it.

“Aha, sorry, sorry,” he murmurs. “I guess I shouldn’t skip the morning workouts with Nidai-kun and Owari-san.”

“...mm...” Thoughtlessly, Nanami still clings to him a little more. “Nagito...”

“Can you walk on your own?”

She nods dully.

“Yeah... I think so.”

“Don’t hesitate to use me as a crutch if you need to. Meager as I am, I think I can do this much.” Komaeda’s smiling reassuringly. As always. As usual. “Alright, Nanami-chan?”

Nanami combs her fingers through her hair. When she realizes, she freezes up. She pats her hair down, shivering a little, taking a sharp intake of breath.

“Oh. Right.”

And just like that, Komaeda rustles into his pocket and pulls out the hairclip. He pins it into her hair, allowing her to relax.

“There we are,” Komaeda says lightly, like it’s no big deal. Nanami blinks up at him, and then, her head hangs. “Mm? Nanami-chan?”

“...he’s going to be angry at me.” She sighs, and can’t help but laugh mirthlessly. “He’s definitely going to be angry, isn’t he?”

“Hah.” Komaeda sighs too, shaking his head. “Goodness, Hinata-kun really is bad about fixing his messes, isn’t he? He causes so much trouble. No wonder we didn’t work out, aha.”

There was nothing to say to that.

“Nanami-chan.”

Komaeda pats her head.

“I can go with you, if you’d like? Would that help?”

She does perk, at that.

“Is that...really okay? It’s been a while since you two spoke, right, Nagito...?” Her frown deepened. “Hinata-kun’s face—is going to be really twisted. Really sad. Because... Kamukura Izuru...”

“Kamukura-kun?”

“...”

Her mouth shuts. Komaeda’s head tilts, but he quickly smiles. Without a worry.

“Nanami-chan.” He offers his hand. “Let’s go together, alright?”

“All...right...”

Tentatively, she takes his hand. She squeezes it tight. Her eyes sting.

“Nagito,” she says, almost whispers. “Am I okay?”

“You’re fine, Nanami-chan.”

He squeezes her hand in return.

“Just fine. Except we really should get you checked by Tsumiki-san. Just in case.”

“M...Mm...” She nods shakily. “R-Right...”

* * *

Afterwards, Hinata Hajime squeezed her so tightly it was suffocating.

“Nanami...! Oh, Nanami...” He was trembling. “I’m sorry...! I’m so...so sorry...! I’m sorry...”

She didn’t really know what he was apologizing for, but she could probably make an educated guess, she supposed. Tentatively, she embraces him in return.

“...father...”

This time, Hinata Hajime doesn’t retort. He just keeps holding her, and he just keeps shaking. She can feel Komaeda’s cool gaze on both of them, but for now, she buries her face into Hinata’s shoulder.

“I’m so sorry, Nanami.”

_If you’re apologizing for Kamukura Izuru, don’t bother,_ she thinks. _Really, I should be thanking him._

“Father.”

Hinata Hajime pets her hair and for once, she feels content.


End file.
